2002-10-24 at 9:12 p.m.

Paris, France

Dear Fred,

Please, don�t get me wrong. I�m a big fan of your work. I appreciate your inclination towards simple melodies, embellished with ornamentation. I really do. It�s a good formula, by and large. However, I would like to call your attention to your Nocturne, Op. 9 No. 3, bar 79.

Every time I attempt to play this passage, my right hand starts spasming uncontrollably like an epileptic child playing X-Box. In future, please ensure that your ornamentation is playable by untalented amateur hacks such as myself.

Yours sincerely,

Michelle.

Mr. L.V. Beethoven

Zentralfriedhof (Central Cemetary)

Vienna, Austria

Dear Ludwig,

I applaud you for your ability to arrange notes on a page in an aesthetic and pleasing manner. When it comes to arranging dots in interesting patterns upon the printed page, you are, without a doubt, the maestro. That said, I would like to direct your attention to your �Grande Sonate�, Op. 26, 1st movt.

Clearly, you have added far too many dots, thus spoiling the aesthetic appeal of the page. Please delete at least half of them.

Yours sincerely,

Michelle

P.S. (I understand your hearing is not what it used to be, so I�m prepared to cut you some slack. Nobody�s perfect, after all.)

Mr. M. Ravel

Cimetiere de Levallois-Perret,

Paris, France

France

Dear Maurice,

Die.

Yours sincerely,

Michelle

Administration Office

The Conservatorium of Music,

---------, Australia.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I wish to enquire about the availability of kazoo scholarships for the year 2003.

Yours sincerely,

Michelle.