2004-03-01 at 11:13 a.m.

There are certain things that a person just shouldn't see while sitting in a room with her piano teacher and his wife.

In order for me to keep getting piano lessons from my teacher, I'll be spending every second weekend travelling to Sydney, where my teacher lives. Unfortunately, it takes me so long to get there that there's absolutely no chance of getting back home on the same day. Because of this, I spent Saturday night sleeping on the floor of my piano teacher's living room.

Originally, I'd offered to babysit their two children, but by the time the kids had been sent to bed, it was too late for my teacher and his wife to go out. So they decided to get some takeaway and a video, instead. All well and good.

However, the problems began after dinner (Thai food, in case you were wondering) when we began to watch the video my teacher had randomly and blindly selected from the store.

The movie was called 'Secretary', and seemed fairly innocuous from the description on the box. However, as the movie progressed... well, let's just say that technically it wasn't porn, but it certainly would have done at a pinch.

Here's what Hollywood.com had to say about it-

Now, is this the sort of movie one should watch with the man who teaches you how correctly phrase a Chopin ballade? And, in addition, watching it while sitting in the same room as the man's wife?

Now, as I've mentioned, the blurb on the back of the video said nothing about this. Not once did it say 'shows crazy people masturbating incessantly', nor did it use the phrase 'violent sadomasochistic beatings inside!' Perhaps it should have, because then my poor teacher and his wife would have been saved a world of embarassment.

I found the whole situation fairly hilarious, actually.

We ended up watching in horrified fascination for about an hour, simply because we were convinced that at some point, the plot just had to kick in. When it became apparent that this was not going to happen, however, we turned it off in a hurry.

And we all agreed that my teacher was never allowed to choose the movie ever again. Ever.