2005-01-24 at 4:57 p.m.
Insomnia (n) : an inability to sleep; chronic sleeplessness
I haven't been sleeping well lately.
In the past, watching me go to sleep was much like watching a mighty Scots Pine being felled by the cruel blows of the woodsman's axe. There would a moment of sublime stillness- then, all at once, I would collapse in a sweeping, majestic arc* onto the bed, and be asleep in seconds. The phrase 'like a log' has never been better employed**.
Lately, however, this has not been happening. My average time for falling asleep has been somewhere around 3am, and it's not as if I've been doing anything interesting with the wakeful hours before. Like having a social life. Or, in fact, doing anything that isn't watching infomercials or reading the collected works of J.K Rowling.
The breaking point occurred last night when, exhausted, eyes smarting, I turned to the digital display of the clock next to me. It read '5:30am'. I had been lying there for five hours, and hadn't managed a single wink of sleep.
In order to vent my frustrations, I said several words that I'm not allowed to say anymore, and several words that I'm not sure actually exist. It didn't help, but at least I made my nightstand blush. (Although, come to think of it, that may have been an exhaustion-induced hallucination).
I eventually managed to drop off sometime around dawn, getting a couple of hours sleep before being blasted out of bed by the telephone. After that, sleep was not an option.
What on earth is going on? Did I piss off the Sandman in some way? (Perhaps he's getting his revenge for all those times I badmouthed Metallica).
Has anyone got any kooky home remedies to my current predicament? Besides alcohol and lots of it, of course. Actually, come to think of it, that's a brilliant idea***! I'll drink myself unconcious!
Beer- is there anything it can't do?
*Although I have yet to hear someone yell 'TIMBER!' as this occurs
**Although, to the best of my knowledge, logs do not tend to snore loudly after being felled. Nor do they fart. Or leave puddles of drool on the forest floor.
***This may just be the sleep deprivation talking.