2003-01-25 at 11:44 a.m.

Remember how I was saying that I live in the house of haunted whitegoods?

It appears that my washing machine has decided to get in on the act.

The machine in question, Mr Simpson Minimatic 305, was already in the laundry when I moved in three-and-a-half years ago. Being approximately two years older than God, it's always been a little on the temperamental side. But lately, during the deep rinse cycle, it has been morphing into an evil hybrid of Kamikaze Pilot and Psychotic Hula Dancer.

And I quote-

'BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

BANG BANG BANG BANGBANG BANG

BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG

BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBA

NGBANBANGBANGB

ANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBAN

GBANGBANGBANGTHUDwhirrrrrrrrrrrr...'

At which point it promptly stops working, forcing me to repeatedly bang the lid open and closed five or six times during the course of a load.

That, and the jaffle maker has taken to laughing maniacally at me.

Dammit, don't I own any appliance that isn't demonically possessed?

Yesterday, I got this note from one Mr Bodahell-

To which I have a few questions-

1) Who are you?

2) Why am I in trouble?

Please, Mr Bodahell. Respond soon. If I'm attacked by marauding Lemur Armies, and you could have prevented it, then it'll be on your conscience, won't it?