2003-01-22 at 5:33 p.m.

Spent much of today driving around town with Jess and April, doing various errands before Jess moves back to Brewarrina. Jess had a copy of Cosmo in the back seat, and we spent a while reading each other's star signs, pointing in horror at various ugly and overpriced clothing ensembles, and generally mocking the vacuousness of the publication in general.

During this, I ran across an article entitled-

This piece of 'writing' consisted of diary entries made by some exhibitionist bint of a woman, who recounted her sexual encounters for a month- in graphically disturbing detail.

"Well", I thought, "now I know where I've been going wrong. This is what people really want to read! And if this the sort of thing people want to read, then this is precisely what I'll give 'em".

So, for your enjoyment, I present-

Day 1- Woke up. Alone. Again.

Day 4- Ate very large ham salad sandwich.

Sheets now covered in crumbs.

Day 6- Crumbs have gone stale.

Bed very itchy.

Day 8- Woke up with strange, reddish purple rash.

Day 10- Cannot stand itching anymore. Have changed sheets.

Day 12- Yup. Still alone.

Day 14- Created small fort using bedsheet and several sofa cushions. Played at being 'Lars, Mighty Viking Warrior'. The making of Mighty Viking Warrior Battle Cries was called to a halt by the intervention of annoyed flatmate at 4am.

Day 17- Awoke this morning under the belief that I was actually sharing my bed, then realised I had just been dreaming about William Shatner again.

Dang.

Day 22- Woke up with face in middle of very large puddle of drool.

Wondering if this constitutes 'sleeping in the wet spot'.

Day 25- Had that dream about being chased by herds of purple gazelles in clown shoes through the swiss cheese factory, while all my friends and family pointed at me and yelled 'The electric puppies! The electric puppies! Oh, the humanity!' again.

Day 27- Unable to get to bed, as room is covered by piles of dirty laundry, clean laundry, books, CDs, stolen electrical goods, hostages, forklifts, and the schematics for my post-apocalyptic rocket car.

Day 30- Cleaned room. Am able to access bed again, and will no longer need to sleep in the laundry sink.

Day 31- Still alone.

Have come to the conclusion that this was not the most exciting of social experiments.

Sigh.