2002-11-09 at 1:22 p.m.

Yesterday morning, I opened the fridge door.

This was my first mistake.

A wave of stench instantly engulfed me. It was the kind of stench that you can physically see. If I'd had a cookie cutter on hand, I could have sculpted it into charming little horsey shapes. As my senses began to shut down, I heard a tiny little voice in my ear whisper "Hi, Michelle. I've been expecting you. Excuse me while I irreparably violate your nasal cavities."

I quickly shut the fridge. I took several deep breaths.

Then I opened the fridge again.

This was my second mistake.

Gasping, I scanned around the interior of the fridge, looking for the source of this olfactory misery.

And discovered the eggs. The eggs that had been quietly hiding in the back of the fridge, watching and waiting. Waiting for this moment.

And their expiry date?

July 22.

This says so much about the state of my house right now, it's not funny.