2004-05-21 at 7:41 p.m.

I'm afraid.

I've done something which may turn out to be incredibly stupid of me.

I have agreed to be the musical director for a small-town, amatuer production of the Sondheim musical, 'A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum'.

Before the lynch mob begins to gather their pitchforks, light those flaming torches and blare banjo-themed chase music, I must assure you all that I was coerced, Dammit! I WAS COERCED!

It all started last week, during one of the final performances of 'Barnum'. I was heading upstairs to the green room during interval, hoping for some nice refreshing tea and a chance to sit in the corner and rock back and forth compulsively whilst contemplating what my life had come to. On the staircase, I was accosted by one of the performers.

"I've been meaning to talk to you" he said. "I was wondering if you'd like to be the Musical Director for the show I'm putting on in November.

To say I was surprised would have been putting it lightly. I had spent very little time on 'Barnum', and most of that had been spent playing 'Oom-cha-cha's. Badly.

"Um... Uh... I flailed around for a while, looking for a polite way to say "I'm sorry, but I just can't take you seriously when you're dressed as a ringmaster and wearing five pounds of stage makeup." I managed to fob him off by asking to look at a copy of the score.

The next day, he had it ready for me, complete with a CD of all the songs. I took them home and had a listen.

The opening number is called 'Comedy Tonight'.

How could I not do the show?