2004-05-27 at 10:10 p.m.
I mentioned, a few entries back, the quasi-elite women's choir I joined about a month ago. This weekend the choir is competing in an eisteddfod*. We're the sole competitors in two of the three sections in which we are entered, and thus cannot possibly lose. Yet we have practised the pieces for the 'given' sections far more than we have for the one where we actually have competition. Go figure.
One of the sections we have in the bag before we've even opened our mouths is called 'Popular Vocal'. One of the pieces we sing in this section is a four-part arrangement of 'Blue Moon'. At the last couple of rehearsals, some of the ladies have been good-naturedly complaining about learning lyrics for this piece, particularly the second verse.
Now, you tell me - which of the following would you find easier to memorise?
You knew just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer for
Someone I really could care for
Or...
ba-bb-ba-b-dang-g-dang-dang-
g-ding-dong-ding-blue-moon!
Now... let's all guess which part the other ladies are singing, and which part I'm singing, shall we?
That's right. It's all about the g-dang-g-dong-freakin'-ding over here. It's like having a strange, Delltones-esque stutter.
I intend to follow this performance up with a rousing rendition of 'She sells sea shells by the sea shore' with a possible encore of 'How much wood could a woodchuck chuck'. But I'd probably get some odd looks from my fellow choristers.
I'd like you all to try a little interactive experiment with me. You might like to get a snack or visit the bathroom before we begin, as this may take some time.
Ready? Okay... assume your best thinking pose, and attempt to answer the question that has stumped Taoist philosophers for centuries...
After you are done contemplating this matter, you may find that weeks have passed and you are now covered with a light film of dust. Do not be alarmed. This is a totally normal reaction. Such is your determination to uncover a piece of theatre that can rival 'Annie' for sheer ungodliness, that you may spend weeks, months... even years of your life searching, inevitably in vain.
The only musical I could think of that even came close was 'Starlight Express', a musical by Lloyd-Weber where all the characters are trains and everyone rollerskates around an overly elaborate stage for three hours. And yet, somehow,'Annie' is still more irritating. I think it has something to do with the presence of a troupe of children and tweenagers singing in broad, twangily painful American accents.
Well, as of last monday, I am the rehearsal pianist for a local production of this rather singular piece of theatre.
At some point, I may be forced to remove my eardrums with a pencil.
*Spelling this word correctly is nigh on impossible. Why can't they just call it 'Another Way To Push Your Children To Attain Unrealistic Standards Of Excellence Via The Medium Of Creative Arts'. It's far more honest that way
