2004-02-20 at 3:15 p.m.

Okay. I know. It's been a long, long time since my last entry, and for that, I apologise. But it's not like I've been lying around my luxury yacht, snorting cocaine from the buttocks of Moroccan jacuzzi boys. No. I've been busy.

For starters, I've finished uni completely. It took so damn long (four years, with an extra postgraduate year tacked on) that leaving came as quite a shock. (The compulsion to drink cheap wine, pull all-nighters and talk like a pretentious wanker has not left my system completely, either).

Secondly, I've moved back to the town I grew up in. I did this mainly for work related reasons - several piano teachers in town are retiring, and need someone to take over some of their students. My parents also live here, but we all came to a unanimous decision that there was no way in hell I would be living with them. I've got my own little unit, which is very nice. I've furnished it with all manner of chic and classy items, like a ukelele, a gaudy clock shaped like a sofa, 'Far Side' prints, and a rubber chicken (he lives in the bathroom, and tends to scare visitors who venture within).

Thirdly, I started working as a piano teacher. So far it's working out fairly well - the money's not great right now, but it will be after six months or so, when I've built a decent reputation. (This will be a first for me, the reputations I build are generally of the other kind). I've been enjoying it a lot, but I'm also looking for a second job to tide me over. (Note to prospective employers - I'll do any form of work you care to name, with the following important exceptions - sex worker, window cleaner, or any job that involves offal).

Fourthly, I got myself a bank loan and bought me a shiny new piano. Well, not all that new, actually - it's about 17 years old - but it's a Yamaha, and it's a very, very good instrument. Occasionally I get so engrossed in playing it that only the stabbing hunger pains drive me away from the piano in search of sustenance.

I must sign off now - got a student arriving in twenty minutes or so. But I do solemnly swear that I will never be so neglectful of you, my ever loyal readers, again.

*distant sound of crickets chirping*

Hello? Anyone?