2002-08-26 at 8:08 p.m.

Watching Blair Witch, I was reminded strongly of an event in my life which occurred about two years ago, and which I like to call-

(Did you notice my seamless transition from idly discussing a movie into a story from my own life? You couldn�t even tell I�d been planning it from the beginning! I�m so sneaky!)

One of my friends from high school, Simon, was in the middle of an Online Media Production (read- Artsy Filmmaking) degree, and had to produce a multimedia project. He decided to record some music and do a video clip, and, as the only musician friend within bribing distance, I became the subject of his project.

We started by recording some of my enormously mediocre songs in the Bathurst Town Hall, on a Steinway that had recently become a swimming pool (the fire sprinklers went off when the piano lid was open). Then came� shudder� the video clip.

Simon decided the only place suitable to shoot the clip was the top of a small mountain in the rural area of Sofala, just outside of Bathurst. So we packed up the camera, some supplies, and our friend Nathan (who�d decided to come along for reasons unknown. He regretted it later) and drove out to Sofala. Standing at the bottom of the mountain in question, gaping at the nearly vertical incline we�d soon be forced to climb, Simon had these comforting words for us-

�It�s a bit impossible at the start, but after that, it�s just really, really hard�.

Great.

Thus inspired, we began the ascent. Steep as the slope was, it was made worse by the scree of loose rocks, bark, and leaf litter that covered every foot of the mountain. For each step we took forward, we slid two backwards. But, somehow, we made progress.

After climbing for about an hour, Simon was about 400 metres ahead, and Nath and I were slowly dying as our lungs began to implode. Eventually, we managed to scramble up the hill to where Simon was waiting for us, at a point about 200 metres from the top.

�This�ll be a good spot to get some shots�, he said.

It was a small outcropping of rocks that, admittedly, offered a good view of the hills beyond. Simon had me stand on the topmost rock while he checked his angles, constantly saying-

�Back a bit. Back a bit more. Just a little bit more�.

�Simon, perhaps you haven�t noticed, but I�m dangling from this ledge by my fingertips above a twenty foot drop.�

�Yeah, and it looks great!�

We decided to set up camp on top of the mountain before coming back down to film. We staggered to the top of the hill, and what did we find there?

Rocks.

Piles of rocks.

Three. Piles. Of Rocks.

Eep.

We set up camp as far away from the piles of rocks as we could. Simon said �I�ll meet you back down the hill, I just want to check the light� and headed back down to the spot where we�d be shooting. Nath and I finished setting up camp, grabbed our stuff, and headed back down the hill.

And promptly got lost.

We roamed the bush for twenty minutes, screaming �Simon! Siiiiiiimmooooon!� and occasionally �Josh! JOSH!�. Finally, after heading in what we thought was the right direction for a while, we tried the wrong direction, and immediately found Simon, who was very upset.

�We�ve lost the light now!� he wailed.

I�ve never seen someone so affronted and pouty in my life. His whole face was nothing but bottom lip.

Nath and I headed back to camp, while Simon sat alone and brooded for a while longer. Finally, we decided to get the fire going, and eat.

This is when our next problem became apparent. We hadn�t packed enough water. Somehow, three litres between three of us had seemed plenty when we set out, and now it was nearly all gone. We all sat around, tongues parched, getting thirstier by the minute. (Every now and then, I�d steal some water from the bottle, and then feel bad for being so dishonest. The next day, both Simon and Nath confessed to doing the exact same thing).

As it got darker, Simon decided it was time to get some more shots. We built the fire up to blazing, and played a little game called �Fun with Metho�.

�Get a little closer to the fire, Michelle. Just a little closer�.

I felt my eyebrows fizzle.

�Right. Good. Now Nath, throw lots of Metho in the fire� now!�

WHOOOOOMP!

How I got through it without third degree burns, I don�t know.

After the boys were done endangering my life, we decided to call it a night, and went into the tent. After a while, Nath noticed something.

�What�s that light shining on the back of the tent?�

We all looked. It looked like someone outside was shining a torch right at the tent.

Simon got out to investigate, and immediately, the light disappeared.

He got back in the tent. It reappeared again.

Nath went to check it out. The same thing happened.

Almost instantly, the two boys were huddled in a corner, trying to a) avoid having to get out of the tent again, and b) look manly and unafraid.

I went to have a look. The light went out. And I immediately saw why.

�It�s the light from the fire, you idiots. When one of us gets out, we block it�.

�Um, yeah, I knew that.�

�Yep, me too. I didn�t think it was, like, some psychopath or something. Ha ha�.

Then we discovered it was physically impossible to sleep in the tent, because of a) our lack of air mattresses, and b) the fact that the ground was made up almost entirely of sharp, pointy rocks.

The next morning, sore, thirsty, and severely bruised by the ground, we broke camp. We grabbed our stuff, carved a few runes on some nearby trees to freak out the next unfortunate campers to venture up there (Nath can read and write Futhark reasonably well, so his runes probably translated to something like �Look thee upon thy death� or �Mwah ha ha! The Witch is comin� to get ya!�. Since I was just writing them randomly, they probably translate to something like �Please do not double park the walrus�) and headed back down the mountain.

We reached the creek at the bottom. The water was a brownish green colour. I didn�t care. I drank it anyway.

Never have I been so glad to see civilisation. Okay, so we didn�t get (too) lost, we didn�t find a collection of eerie stick people, and we didn�t wind up running into a house decorated with handprints where Nath was made to stand in the corner while Simon clubbed me over the head for ruining his shots. But I�d been subjected to Simon�s pouty face. And that was scary enough