2003-01-28 at 6:27 p.m.
Disclaimer: Michelle is going to be talking about religion today. Please take with an enormous dumptruck of salt. If I offend you in any way, please know that this was not my intention. However, since this is my webspace, I have the right to express my views on any subject from religion to lime green spandex without fear of reprisal. That's the idea, anyway.
Now, on with the show!
Today, in the Conservatorium foyer, I noticed the following flyer-
Ever wanted to do something
different and be paid doing
something you love?
Ever considered being part of a contemporary church
band? Why not give it a try?
Right next to that last sentence, someone had handwritten in pencil-
Would I be considered a bad person if I confessed to laughing at this?
Loudly?
For several minutes?
Okay. I'm a bad person.
However, it got me thinking about Christian 'rock', if it can be called that. I've seen a few of these bands at various functions. (Usually, I spend the entire gig wondering if I'm going to hell for ogling the cute keyboard player). Now, while they're musically competent, in the main, the music always seems fairly... watered down to me. The rock doesn't quite rock so hard, the ballads always seem a bit wimpy, and as for the hardcore death metal...
(Okay, I have yet to hear a Christian hardcore death metal band, but one assumes that there's at least one somewhere).
I think the main reason for my opinion on this is the stigma (Stigmata? (Sorry)) attached to Christian music. It wouldn't matter if the band was dressed head to toe in leather, playing grindcore guitar and biting the heads off bats. At the first mention of the name 'Jesus' I expect a woman in a long floral skirt, unnecessarily thick glasses and with thick curly hair to leap onto the stage with an acoustic guitar, and lead everyone in a rendition of 'Kum by Yah'. Sorry, but there it is.
There used to be a show on TV not long ago called 'John Safran's Music Jamboree'. John, a jewish guy, decided to see what would happen if he put together a Jewish boy band, recorded a single and video clip, and sent them to Christian record labels.
The Song was called 'Jew-Town', and contained such memorable lyrics as-
Well I follow the Old Testament, but I will not touch the sequel!'
(It loses something in the typing, but it was really quite hilarious).
And the record companies? They wouldn't touch 'em, cause they weren't Christian. Go figure.
As for me- I will never join a contemporary Christian rock band.
Not because Satan forbids it-
Because I really, really hate Kum by Yah.
