2003-10-16 at 9:05 a.m.

I spent the end of last week visiting my parents, despite the rather staggering amount of uni work I have to do before the end of term. However, I was willing to sacrifice the opportunity to get some work done and visit the 'rents instead for the following reasons-

1. I hadn't seen my parents in about three months, and

2. They're supporting me at present, and it's never a good idea to bite the hand that feeds you. And clothes you. And makes it possible for you to purchase life's little essentials, like toiletries and post-apocalyptic rocket cars.

While visiting the 'rents, I took part in the following exciting and fulfilling family activities-

Ah, the Wild Rock be a worthy foe, and difficult to tame. To capture the wild rock, ye must attach a trailer to the back of thine vehicle, and drive ye out to a place where there hast been roadworks. There, ye will find several mountainous piles of Wild Rocks, suitable for the creation of attractive garden borders. And though these rocks be as big as thine head, thou shalt stand at ye olde base of the mountainous pile and dodge ye rocks that are thrown at ye from above by thy parents, and thou shalt think to thyself- 'How bloody humiliating would it be to have my head crushed in by a piece of decorative garden border, even if it is an eight-kilo slab of sandstone?'

Then, whenst thou hast collected enough Wild Rocks to build the fictional city of Gondor, thou shalt load them into thy trailer and return to thy place of abode. Thou shalt then spend the next half-hour unloading thine sodding rocks, whilst thine mother stands around and giveth instructions on how this may best be done.

Every time I go home, it seems, I unwittingly choose to go back during Race Weekend. The town I grew up in is known for its motor racing, and that means that, at least once a year, it is also known for the sheer amount of drunken idiots who converge on the town.

Growing up in a racing town really takes the edge off any interest you may have otherwise had in motor racing. While visiting an outdoor market, one stall vendor was rather surprised when he asked-

'So, who do you want to win, luv? Ford or Holden?'

To which I replied-

'I grew up here, I don't give a crap either way, thanks'.

Mum had her birthday on the 12th, so we all went out for lunch to celebrate, then had a big barbeque dinner in the evening. After that, we all watched 'Chicago', which I had purchased for Mum at the suggestion of my sister.

My sister Clare has her HSC (Higher School Certificate) exams in less than a week, so much of my visit was spent trying to to disturb her from her studies. I was, however, intrigued by the pages of notes she'd pinned up in the bathroom as a memorisation technique.

My brain took one look at the mathematics ones and promptly cowered, whimpering, into my brain stem. The Ancient History and English quotations on the walls, however, ranged from silly to absolutely baffling. Here's a sample-

'A litigator, those are the scariest kinds of lawyers'

'A gadfly... to a horse'

'At a quick step'

'From each according to their ability to pay'

'I have a dream'

'Oh my god, I love Josh!'

It's an interesting world when final year high school students get to study the movie 'Clueless' as part of their final exams.