Me Lose Brain? Uh oh!

2003-03-22 at 11:23 a.m.

"I could do with a few laughs. We could all do with a few laughs. I've got a feeling we're going to need them more than usual before long."

-Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

So. We're at war.

There's very little I can say on the topic that hasn't already been said more eloquently by someone else. However, I'd like it to be known that I, too, wish for peace.

But let's not talk of war, you and I. Let's talk of happier things. Like, say, bowel movements.

Perhaps you remember my entry a few days back about Quick Cleanse�. Well, shortly after it was posted, I got this comment from my good friend geofortean-

I have never, personally, seen anything not ugly come out of my bowel. I have never thought "Oh wow, that is just *the* cutest thing ever" or asked my parents "Can I keep it? Can I? Can I? It's lovely, I promise to look after it and everything". What comes out of the bowel is not a pretty thing. It's not cute. It's not kittens. Unless there is a weird sexual perversion thing happening. It's crap. It's supposed to be ugly. That's why your bumhole is on the opposite side of the body to the eyes, in a place where you just can't see without some weird contortion or an elaborate arrangement of mirrors.

My Casbah is officially rocked.

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Perhaps you're aware that I'm a pretty big Harry Potter fan.

Perhaps you're also aware that the latest Harry Potter book, 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix', comes out in June.

Scaryduck, the King of British Weblogging, knows this too. And here's what he had to say about it.

The new Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, is due to hit the shelves of your local bookstore in June. However, thanks to our spies' persistance, lies, blackmail and sheer good looks, we've been able to secure an exclusive extract to whet your appetites. And it's not just any old extract, oh no! It's the very nub of the book - what exactly is the Order of the Phoenix?
The waiter at the Wizard's Cauldron on Diagon Alley came over to the table, notepad at the ready. Harry made up his mind quickly and ordered the beef stew with dumplings, to be washed down with a flaggon of butterbeer. Hermione ordered a salad, while Ron couldn't decide between the cheeseburger and pasta, so asked for both. The waiter turned to the fourth guest at the table.
"And what would sir like for his main course?" he asked.
"Steak," said the Phoenix, a small flame licking round the top of his head, "and don't skimp on the chips."
"Very good sir," replied the waiter as if he saw this kind of thing all the time, "and how would sir like his steak cooked?"
The Phoenix paused for a second, weighing up his options. His eyes lit up, and a smile came to his face. "Very very very very very well done."

The waiter thanked them all, and clutching his precious notepad, retreated to the kitchen with the Order of the Phoenix.

I laughed at this for approximately 45 minutes solid. Go read Scaryduck's Blog. Now. Your life will be the richer for it.

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Other things that have amused me greatly this week-

Guardian Sport's Journalist Snaps- in the most hilarious way possible.

Homeless People Shouldn't Make You Feel Sad Like That- reminded me of an entry I made a month or so ago about homeless people.

Zerosexlife.com- One loser trying to get laid- and failing miserably.

Records that should never have been made- I order you to go and download 'It's beginning to look a lot like Syphilis'. Barbershop never sounded so good.

And, finally-

The English Lesson

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